No way I would have been able to write this last night with my emotions running high and running low as they were. One minute I’d be singing one of her songs with my mother, and the next, caught in a funk as I sat in silence, trying not to cry.

As much as I enjoy writing and drawing, singing was my first love. I never took formal lessons, my parents said no and weren’t too fond of me singing at the top of my lungs around the house, which is why the quieter talents were cultivated under the watchful eye of a teacher instead. Even so, every day, I carted that stereo into the bathroom, placed it on the toilet with The Bodyguard soundtrack cassette queued up, and sang my heart out, aiming to mimic every vocal nuance to the best of my ability. I did the same with the The Preacher’s Wife, until it mysteriously vanished.

An hour or so before hearing of Whitney Houston’s passing, I’d been writing in bed, listening to selections from the 1997 version of Rodgers & Hammersteins Cinderella that she starred in with Brandy. Whitney was a constant in my life, her music is frequently rotated in my library.

It really still hasn’t sunk in for me at all. As a child born in the mid-eighties, Whitney was always there, and she was someone whose talent I admired greatly and tried to emulate–albeit I will never be that good–right along with other female singers like Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, Monica, Brandy, Aaliyah and Shanice.

Despite everything, we lost a great talent with her passing yesterday. By the children who grew up singing her greatest hits into hairbrushes, water bottles, whatever they could find to double ads a microphone, the adults who can still remember when she first arrived on the music scene, blowing people away with her pipes, the people who loved her and stood by her side through every hardship, she will be missed.

RIP.

Appreciation
Mirror, mirror on the wall
You got curves for days

If you get uncomfortable about women talking about their bodies, you might as well leave this second because I’m about to unleash a whole lotta love about mine right now.

I’ve never had an issue with mirrors. I’ve spent most of my life pretty unconcerned and unaware of the way I looked because it didn’t matter. As long as my hair looked somewhat decent and my clothes somewhat matched, I was good. Besides, despite others’ opinions, I liked what I saw. With the exception of my braces phase, which caused my gums to swell up in a way that was less than attractive. Probably should have worn that retainer… It wasn’t until much later that I realized the way I viewed myself was skewed and it probably won’t ever be right due to years of conditioning, but the important thing here is that I know. So I adapted.

I fall into the “If you don’t like it, change it” category when it comes to body image. I’m aware this isn’t for everyone for one reason or another, and if you find the previous statement offensive, I blame it entirely on my irresponsible phrasing. *Ahem* But in the process of making whatever physical transformation I want, I learned to not only become aware of my body but love it as is also.

I got the perfect blend of my parents’ skin, soft and glowing brown over a series of hills and valleys that start with the arch in my foot. I love my hands just as much as my eyes (though I wish my hair grew as easily as my nails) and as weird as it sounds, when I lay on my side, the juncture between my thigh and stomach is my absolute favorite. I used to be afraid to show my legs because bug bites and scratches take too long to fade. They always have. I got called a dalmatian once because of it. Then I stopped giving a fuck. Sometimes it’s just too hot for jeans.

I’m short and nearly an exact hourglass, tattooed and addicted to colors. My nose makes me happy and the shape of my lips sometimes makes me wonder what it’s like to kiss myself. (And that, my friends, is weird without question.) I smile a lot and I don’t worry about wrinkles because those little crinkles around my eyes will be beautiful reminders of how much I enjoyed growing old but not up.

I don’t know if I’ll ever meet anyone who loves the touch of my skin as much as I do, but if ever whenever I do start dating again, I really hope to meet someone who’s into me whether I’m a 6 or a 16.

Maybe I’m just a narcissist. Maybe I’m not. But chances are, I think you’re pretty damn sexy, too.

Know that I love you
And I only want the best
For you, forever

“If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to be one hundred minus one day so I never have to live a day without you.”
-Winnie the Pooh

I never imagined I’d ever hear words like this directed at me, so you can gauge my surprise when my 12-year-old (and youngest) brother told me that he wanted me to outlive him because he didn’t think he could deal with the grief.

Exact words: “I don’t want you to die before me because I don’t think I could take it.”

I’m surprised I didn’t start crying. I probably did later. I don’t think I’ll ever forget hearing that.

My thought process is all over the place, a jumble of words, colors, music, art, predictions, worry and wonder, but somehow it works. As crazy as it sometimes makes me inside and as unpredictable as it makes me to the untrained eye. And while my mind will sometimes go to the worst case scenario in some situations, I don’t usually let the thoughts escape my lips.

My baby brother is not that way. Neither is my friend, Claire. Both of whom I see fairly often. But it balances out. Sure, once the comment is out there hanging in the universe, my eyes bug out a little, my jaw goes a little slack and my head may even cock to the side just a bit, but I don’t question it. And if I do, the answer is always the same, “My mind just goes there.”

I’ve learned to appreciate it. Hearing the unspeakable is a small reminder of just how fragile life is and motivates me to keep going and appreciate those around me as much as I can no matter how much I might roll my eyes at times. Knowing that someone cares about you that much puts a lot of pressure on you, but a good pressure. The kind that makes you push harder and maybe even do things you don’t want to do but you have to because it’s just another small step in the big picture. Bad things will happen, hold-ups seem inevitable, but as long as you keep moving forward in some aspect, you’re still well on your way.

All I want to do is inspire people, touch someone in a way that makes them want to be better than they thought they could be, makes them want to create something, makes them want to pay it forward and the list goes on; whether that’s through my writing or the silly videos I post on YouTube, having a conversation over coffee or reaching for one of my many dreams with a bravado I wasn’t even sure I had. That sentence is long and ridiculous. That, and constantly be in contact with people who inspire me. Honestly, I think I’ve already accomplished both on some level, but I don’t want it to stop any time soon.

And while I think I screw up a lot, some others actually disagree. I was “cursed” (I’d say I’m pretty blessed) with a love for the arts and apparently some stroke of talent, which may or may not make me big money someday, and even if it doesn’t, I’m already used to being broke. It’s just another day. I’ll stress out, but it’s the same stress. I can deal.

As long as I’m doing what I love, maintaining ties to the people I love and creating new ones, I’ll be fine. I’ll be happy. Overall, right now, all things considered, I AM happy.

And if I die before my baby brother, I want to be sure he’s in a place where he’ll be able to deal, overcome, and emerge just as happy as I showed him I could be.

Preferably even happier.

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.
- Winnie the Pooh

I don’t like turkey
But macaroni and cheese?
I can’t get enough

As I sit curled up on the couch, wrapped in the comfiest of blankets, nursing a cold that my mom and little brother were so kind to give to me, and watching Beauty and the Beast, I figured now is as good a time as ever to share what I’m thankful for.

First of all, I’m thankful that Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast came on Disney Channel today back-to-back. As if being sick doesn’t make me feel enough like a child, having these movies on TV is giving me some major flashbacks. Though I’m not sure I should be singing with my throat all messed up. I know I shouldn’t.

I’m thankful that my mom didn’t name me Monique. *shudders*

I’m thankful that working in retail is just as crappy as I remember so that I can work that much harder on what I really want to be doing with my life and escape the madness.

I’m thankful for all the new experiences I’ve had this year and all of the people I’ve met and new friends that I’ve made. I was able to go to Comic-Con and Dragon*Con for the first time and be part of the first ever NERD HQ, I traveled to Nashville to audition for The Glee Project and fell in love with what I had time to see of the city. I know I’m probably leaving things out. It’s been a crazy, hectic year.

I’m thankful for my mom’s macaroni and cheese, and that she taught me to make it just as delicious as hers. Even though I haven’t made it on my own in years.

And as always, I’m thankful for my family and my friends, who continue to be awesome and amazing, despite everything. I’m thankful that I grew up around people I aspire to become, who constantly surprise me and support me even if they don’t agree with me. I’m thankful to have such an eclectic mix of friends, a talented and inspiring bunch and that those worth having around haven’t been hard to pick out from the rest. I really do love you guys in case I don’t tell you enough.

With that, I hope those celebrating Thanksgiving this year stuff themselves silly. I’m amazed by people who can eat tons of food today because I can’t seem to do it. My reality seriously pales in comparison to my imagination, in which I go back repeatedly for seconds and thirds of everything on the menu. What usually happens is I get one plate of food, go back for macaroni and cheese, and then I’m out for the count. Unless there’s sweet potato pie. I always leave room for that.

And now that I’m done sounding like a glutton…

I’m thankful for post-Thanksgiving workouts!

Between attempting NaNoWriMo for the first time, working two jobs, getting ready for an audition (three more days!) and dealing with everything in between, writing in this blog has been a challenge. As you can tell from my frequent updates. I really need to find my planner that had my writing/art schedule in it–or buy a new one and make a new schedule–because keeping track of everything is tough! I spend all day writing about entertainment then I have to switch it off and go into fiction-writing mode and then switch all of that off and go into retail mode. Let’s be real, I never go into retail mode. We’ll just call that acting.

In all of that chaos, I did make time to film a new vlog! Technically, my first real vlog! It kicks off a series of videos of me reciting poems I wrote for the poetry class I had no business registering for in the first place. The video pretty much explains the rest.

Enjoy that nugget.

I love ridiculous commercials. Love them! The ones that you can’t tell if the person who made the commercial is being serious or toying with you. I don’t think I want to know. If I knew they were screwing with me for kicks, it probably wouldn’t be as funny.

For a while, Touch-N-Brush was pretty much my everything. I’d stare at the screen with the dopiest of grins on my face while saying aloud, amused, “Who squeezes toothpaste like that? They’re crazy!”

Then Snuggie came along. I wasn’t impressed. I’ve already mastered the art of wearing a jacket backwards AND rolling blankets around myself to ensure maximum warmth. I mean, the awkward dancing and everything made me laugh, but it was missing something. That “something” came in the form of Designer Snuggie:

Because that’s what I really need in my life. Newsflash: Animal prints? Not that stylish. But I guess if you want to look fly while having your Lucky Charms and a mimosa, by all means, go for it!

Then a few weeks ago, the sky opened up and said, “Britt, I have a glorious new commercial for you and you will love it and want to hug it and squeeze it and cook it breakfast.” I said, “Sky, if it cooks me breakfast, we have a deal.” (True story.) And that’s when I saw Forever Lazy.

Forever Lazy is my dream come true! I feel like these people should be living in WhoVille! The only thing that would make Forever Lazy more awesome is if the feet were sewn in. I’d go around my house pretending to be a “Thing” from The Cat in the Hat (What am I saying? I do that anyway!)

And the zippered hatches on them? Nice touch! It’s like a cartoon and I am entertained.

Well done. I can’t wait to go out in public in my onesie!

After years and years of blogging, I decided to bring a vlog into the mix. Wish me luck… or should I wish you luck after introducing you to more of my crazy?

Real vlogs will be coming soon. Until then, here’s the welcome video to kind of ease you into it…

I’m not that crazy.

They told me to write
To ease the barrel of nerves
I’m really hungry

To say that my nerves have been a mess for the past couple of weeks would be a vast understatement.

I’m trying not to count down the days to Nashville every. single. day. But I can’t help it. I get like this before any audition, performance, yada yada yada. Funny thing is, job interviews don’t freak me out. Then again, I haven’t really had a job interview that I felt could hugely affect my life in the long run, besides the magazine, that is. But the editor is so easy to talk to that if I was nervous at all beforehand, it went away quickly.

I know that once I get in there, I’ll be fine, my voice will probably do exactly what I want it to do. (I hope. Maybe I shouldn’t jinx it by saying “I know.”) But practicing lately has been really hit or miss, mostly because I’m singing a song that I’m used to just goofing around with, not putting much effort into it. Hearing myself legit sing it has been weird because it’s not a genre I generally sing much. So I’ve basically taken my friend Sam on as my remote vocal consultant by force to let me know if I’m at least headed down the right path. She’s actually the one who suggested writing my nerves out to kind of smooth them over. So here I am!

I’ve also had to stop myself from watching countless Glee Project 2 auditions. Some of them on there are great, excellent really! However, as much fun as I was having watching those auditions, I kept comparing myself to other singers, despite reminding myself not to do so. And it wasn’t the good kind of comparing in which you take something away from it and work on it yourself, it was the kind that makes you second guess yourself, feel insecure and think about giving up or doing the audition over. I think that’s what got me so freaked out in the first place. For the most part, I’m a confident person. I rarely feel that way. It takes a lot to shake me so feeling like that actually worried me. I’m not redoing or taking down my audition, though. It may not have the most views or the most “likes,” but that video is definitely natural me. If you ask my little brother, he’d say I was actually a little toned down. He might be right. I’m a little wild. Just a little!

Now that I think about it, it’s what’s written above and the constant spamming from other people auditioning, begging you to watch/”like” their video when they obviously didn’t watch OR “like” yours. Not cool. If you’re going to show support, be real about it. If you’re going to fake being supportive, at least fake it well. Rocket science, it is not. Side note: It’s way more rewarding to just really watch the video and offer feedback, constructive criticism, praise and so on and so forth. You won’t get “side-eyed” as much and the favor might be returned! (And if not, don’t stress out over it.) But maybe that’s just me…

I really want this to go well and landing a spot on the show would be amazing, but I definitely don’t want to be the type to devalue someone else’s desire to be on it. It would be foolish to assume that no one else wants it as badly as I do. I’ve seen a couple of auditions like that and it just really rubbed me the wrong way. Same with the people basically talking about how off-the-charts awesome they are at singing/acting/dancing. Some people know how to convey this message with grace so it doesn’t sound as bad, but others have no tact at all. Confidence in your ability is one thing, but I really believe in letting talent speak for itself. It’s just like when someone is talking about how funny or cool they are, but do you actually have to say it for people to know it’s true? And let’s be honest, lots of people can sing, lots of people can act, lots of people can dance. Talent takes you so far, it’s your drive and personality that have to take you the rest of the way. So don’t be a douche about it. *cue “The More You Know” aaannnddd shooting star!*

So to kind of wrap things up, even though it’s a cattle call, I’m really hoping all goes well. That casting sees a spark in me that would be well-suited for the show. (And now I totally have “One Little Spark” stuck in my head… my Disney-addiction can not be contained!) If not, I’ll be disappointed, obviously, but at least I could say that I tried. Then I’ll have to see if I can get that spot on Fresh Beat Band that people keep telling me I’d be perfect for.

I don’t get it either.

Clearly, I should be on Yo Gabba Gabba! Hello! Dancey dance time!

And you know what? As much as I was trying to avoid overdoing it with The Glee Project talk, this did help.

Thanks for reading!

Get back to Hogwarts
Where everyone thinks I’m cool
These are song lyrics

I’m about a month late with this. Maybe a little over a month, but really, who’s counting? (I am.)

I was actually overexcited to share my Dragon*Con experience with all of you, but life kicked me in the ass and I got really busy.

This past Labor Day weekend, I headed to Atlanta to visit family and go to Dragon*Con with Aly and Kat. Things didn’t quite go exactly as planned, but I did have a stupendous Harry Potter-filled experience at the Con. I got there a day after my friends, but like I said, it was still awesome.

When I got to the hotel, I was surprised by a fantastic late birthday present from my girls. As part of my gift, they made a Rupert Grint circa Thunderpants t-shirt for me. (Note: there was also a pillowcase with the same image and I’m basically in love with it.) I was then informed that I’d be wearing this shirt the next day–the day we’d be meeting Tom Felton. Whereas most people would probably protest (then again, this was Dragon*Con…), I jumped at the chance.

Le shirt:

Mind you, I have yet to see Thunderpants. Aly and Kat got through about twenty minutes of it before they turned it off for reasons unbeknownst to me. Skip to the next day. First stop was Tom Felton’s panel. My two friends had attended it the day before, but were going again for me (and because Kat loves Tom.). We got there early and managed to get seats front and center. There was a handicapped row in front of us but no one was sitting there.

Fast forward! Tom’spanelwasawesome.He’squitefunnyandprettymuchadorableandallthatjazz! As we’re waiting in line to get an autograph from Mr. Felton, people start noticing my shirt and complimenting me on it. I bashfully shelled out some “Thank yous” and prayed no one asked me any details about Thunderpants because, really, all I know is that it’s a movie that Rupert Grint is in and it revolves around farting. Or something.

Kat’s anticipation to meet Tom is steadily growing. Aly is pretty much like, “Screw this, you guys go meet him, I’ll be hanging in the background.” And I’m just standing there wishing the StarKid enthusiasts–no, no, no…ELITISTS–behind us would shut up. (Actually, we all were.) Not even joking, they were being little snotty snobs and singing “Get Back to Hogwarts” the whole time. *go-go gadget death stare* I totally understand being a fan, but when you start putting other people down who couldn’t possibly be as big a fan as you, NOT COOL. Maybe they’re not, but you know what? Doesn’t matter. Don’t start none, won’t be none. And I’m not sharing my Twizzlers. Sorry, Red Vines are not as good. (Except for being able to double as a straw. That’s, like, the best thing ever!) Moving on…

I get up there first. Tom sees my shirt and starts smiling and compliments me on it while laughing a little. (Score!) Then he starts talking about the movie, but I stop him, saying, “I actually haven’t seen it yet…” or whatever I said. Who cares, though, right? Because this was pretty much the highlight of the whole conversation: He starts saying that it’s a special film and that it’s really good, all the while I’m standing there thinking, “I heard it wasn’t and that it’s the most ridiculous thing ever…” and the next thing I know, he stops short and goes, “No, it’s really not a good film, but Rupert’s great in it!” Seriously, we need to hang out. After that, he realizes that he’s writing “Draco” on my picture of Dodge from Planet of the Apes. (I realize he’s a douche, but I really preferred the picture of him without the bleached hair.) So now I have a signed photo of Tom Felton with a “screw-up” on it that, for some reason, makes it more meaningful to me, even though the whole thing was basically an assembly line.

Hmm…so what else… we went to Tom’s panel AGAIN the next day, and that was a cluster because it was the last one and security was trying to be organized about it but only ended up pissing people off. Most importantly, though, I got my school picture with Tom! Yay! The funny thing is…our outfits match.

In other news, my cleavage looks awesome!

We spotted Tom afterward, taking pictures/video of people at Dragon*Con and Kat chickened out of going up and talking to him outside in the open. But we had a nice adventure of prowling the hotel, trying to find him again. Stalking at its finest! I’m always up for adventure, and the level of creeper tendencies is always taken into account, trust me.

Overall, I had a great time! I wish I would have bought Zoobilee Zoo on DVD when I saw it. I geeked out. Hardcore. I’m actually planning to check out Dragon*Con again next year, probably even out the activities and see more of it. (And I totally want to dress up!)

I’m thinking about channeling Misfits…hmm….

I promise you all that a real post is in the works! It really is. I was sitting in the office working on it when I didn’t have any other writing assignments to do. Shazam! I may even wrap it up today and throw it up here. There was some basic photo editing involved so I didn’t get–okay, I’ll skip explaining.

Anyway, the point of this post is just to let you all know that I decided to try out for season two of The Glee Project. For all you non-Gleeks, don’t sneer. For all you Gleeks who don’t support the reality show, don’t sneer. To all of you Gleeks who like The Glee Project, *squee!*excitementexcitementexcitement*squee!* Think of it like this, you like me. You really like me! And because you like me (unless I’m about to lose all cool points with you in the next five seconds), think of it as supporting ME as a human being. Because that’s what I am. A mere mortal. *dramatic sigh*

To be completely honest, I’m not sure if all the online auditions are being watched. I’d like to think that they will be, but I can’t call it for sure. I mean, if they were watching them as they went up…maybe…? To continue, I’m not positive if all the views/likes/shares are taken into account, but even so, it would be amazing if you guys checked out my audition video, “liked” it (But dude, only “like” it if you really like it–or like me–sympathy “likes” are no fun, not that I’d be able to tell.), but even better if you hit that little Facebook share button and shared it with your friends, who just might share it with their friends, who just might share it with theirs!

Once again, I’m putting my long-windedness on display, so I’ll shut up now and cut to the chase. I can’t post the actual video here, but if you click the screenshot from it, you’ll actually go to the page and be able to “like” and share it, which isn’t too difficult a feat. Don’t worry, I’m not spamming anyone with “Watch my Glee Project 2 audition video!” messages. I’m just throwing the word out there and hoping someone catches it.

http://thegleeprojectcasting.com/Auditions/View/2931267

In other Glee Project 2 related news, I’m also going to audition in person next month in Nashville. Super excited about visiting Nashville for the first time, even though I’m sure most of the trip will be spent either in the hotel or at the audition venue. It’s going to be a really quick trip since I wanted to be back in Louisiana in time for the StarKid concert.

Basically, I’m totally awesome.